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There’s only one way to warm up a cold bum, I thought to myself as I made my way through London with nothing but a thong on under my skirt in the December air. I thanked the person in my head who invented tights. I wondered how the hell women could exist practically while wearing stockings and suspenders. For a start they’re a bloody pain to put on, and there were few clothes I could wear that covered them completely, or at least just enough. I was aware that the lace tops flashed beneath my skirt as I walked or bent at the waist by even the slightest angle. I was wearing black lace top but I opted for a bra deciding at least some of my lady lumps would be warm tonight.

I was on my way to the Christmas Erotic Meet. I had missed the last one, so I was really looking forward to seeing the erotic gang again.

I arrived early and helped set up with our host Annie and the other early EMeeters. Grabbing a roll of wrapping paper to wrap lucky dip prizes we fell into an efficient present wrapping machine to get everything done before people started to arrive.

I also blew a Santa to make the place more festive.

My evening kicked off with a pick from the lucky dip which was full of naughty things donated by Sex Toys UK and other EMeeters. I opened up my prize of flavoured condoms. Like shoes, you can never have too many!

Now that I have been a few times, I found a few familiar faces, had trouble remembering the numerous pen names, twitter names, websites, real names, but I happily mingled to my heart’s content with so many wonderfully friendly and very sexy people.

Bernadette Bryne and the gender bending Victor Victoria

Bernadette Bryne and the gender bending Victor Victoria.

Our evenings entertainment was Eastend Cabaret, made up of the delectable duo Bernadette Bryne and Victor Victoria. You have to watch their performances, the whole audience was in stitches, I was laughing so hard my face was hurting. I was in the front row, I swear Victor Victoria was making eyes at me the whole time. Dirty girl, guy, whatever-I go both ways darling! Call me!

They ended on ‘Danger Wank’ which has been stuck in my head since.

See the rest of their performances, ‘The Hangover’, ‘Deflowering Virgins’, ‘Ping Pong Balls’ and ‘Lets Talk about Sex’ on the Erotic Meet website.

On to the auction, hosted by Domsigns and his large leather studded spanking paddle which he had been casually swinging from his hand since he arrived. I knew it would be connecting with Molly’s pink knickers-clad bottom on the word ‘SOLD!’ There were 5 lots. The walking, talking prizes were lined up on stage, I noted Shalla was so eager for a spanking she was practically writhing.

I won’t go into all of the prizes, they are all covered off here, because there was one in particular that stood out for me. The one I won of course!

My buzz word was ‘Moist’, aptly chosen because something about this prize made me so. With a smirk I raised my card to place a bid, this was proving to be a popular one. It seemed Domsigns was particularly enjoying auctioning off this prize.

As other bidders dropped out, one made a sudden last minute jump in. I realised I was death staring at the back of her head and grinning through my teeth as we waged a bidding war.

Sarah Berry, my auction nemesis!

Luckily we came to a very happy compromise. Sharing our prize meant that there were more funds for the Erotic Meet pot and Sarah got a bottle of champagne included in her half to close the negotiations.

Oh my prize…

Thighs tightened on the word, ‘SOLD!’ and with the heftiest THWAK yet on Molly’s little bottom from the paddle, I had won my kiss under the mistletoe with Molly herself.

You know those moments when the whole word fades, you can’t hear the music, you can’t hear the chatter around you, your eyes are closed because there is only one thing you could possibly focus on. Yeah, one of those moments, except soooo much naughtier.

Molly and I snogged, kissed, tongued, smiled, giggled, kissed some more for what felt like forever because we didn’t want to stop.

I never have anyone to kiss under the mistletoe, (I know, get out the miniature violins!) but this one made up for every one. Yes that’s a bit soppy, only because I am holding back being crude by telling you what was going on in the filthier parts of my brain, I’ll be on the naughty list for sure!

I couldn’t look Domsigns in the eye for a while, when I eventually did I think he was grinning just as much as me!

I would like to say a huge, huge thank you to Annie for throwing us a fabulous Christmas party and for turning up with no bra under that festive red dress.

She has a beautiful face too, trust me.

And Merry Christmas and even Merrier New Year to everyone who is part of the Erotic Meet, this was by far the naughtiest one yet! I look forward to seeing you all again in 2012!

P.S. Oh, and I ate a fabulous fanny cup cake, it was like a chocolate orgasm in my mouth. Whoever made them is amazing, bring her back!